Thoughts From My Anus (with Andrew Bolt)

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Location: Melbourne, Australia

I always tell it how it is. I'm sick of hearing people belittle this great nation for being 'racist' - what is a racist? I'll bet you it's not the whites, that's for sure. If you really want to see racism, head to Asia or Africa or the Middle East and spend some time with the towel-heads.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Australians Speak Out About Gay Marriage

I briefly touched on the issue of gay marriage on Thursday.

However, the flood of supportive emails I received regarding my moving and articulate thoughts on the subject has inspired me to revisit the topic again.

Once again, just when I feel like the only Horatio-on-the-bridge-esque salmon bothering to swim upstream to die, it turns out I am a trout, surrounded and buoyed by the kindness and like-minded thinking of literally millions of other trout swimming with honour and common-sense to a lake of knowledge and contentment.

That's right, the Australian public have rallied behind my words completely.

While the nonconformist Bolshevist cliques insist on boring us with claptrap on how being 'gay' is 'fashionable' and how 'equal rights' should apply to homosexuals and lesbians, Australians have responded in possibly the most powerful way they can - through their remote controls.

The Australian Queer Eye For The Straight Guy television show debuted during the week, and Australians couldn't have been less interested.

Perhaps the New York nihilists can pretend that their US version of the show makes a sexual subculture 'normal', but over here, the public are far too intelligent to fall for the lie.

After all, where will this acceptance stop? Will we end up riding the toboggan of tolerance down the slippery and chilly slope of life all the way into the abyss of despair and immorality?

Frighteningly, it can only be a matter of years before we're forced to 'tolerate' other sexual deviancies. Bestiality and paedophilia spring to mind as just two horrific and repulsive sexual subcultures the 'chic' right-on reformers will try and advocate.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no homophobe.

Whatever preternatural activities the rabid Leftists want to indulge in behind close doors is tolerable to me, providing everyone involved is a consenting and mentally competent adult.

But why must those of us of there who are from a simpler, kinder world - the meat-and-potatoes folk of the nation - have the Calamite agenda plunged deep down our throats every where we turn?

Let's save the debate and just see Queer Eye's failure for what it is - the publics way of expressing its views on gay marriage and the Communist parti pris.

Just watch the intelligentsia choke on their socialist chai tea at that.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Abortion - The Debate We Had To Have

Finally, Australia is currently in the throes of something that has been long overdue - a debate about abortion.

Naturally, the Leninist feminists are up in arms.

You see, according to them, there's only one person affected by nature's gift of pregnancy - themselves, of course.

When a woman decides she wants to have a baby, she can bleed a man dry by demanding eighteen years worth of child support payments, often while she gets single mother benefits or the dole at the same time!

And if she should decide she doesn't want to have his child, well tough - that's just the way it is. Her choice, her body, her child.

The bra burning harpies have no desire to let men fulfil their most natural and primal role - as protectors of innocents.

Too bad for the deadly Reds then that this country - thanks to the tireless work of some of our finest politicians, including Liberal MP Tony Abbott - is starting to speak out about the abomination that is abortion.

Soon enough, the 'elite' fleet will need to deal with the entire country's concern and shock over the abortion epidemic.

And then we as a nation will begin make amends to the real stolen generation - the millions of aborted babies that would have made this country a little brighter.

Andy Bolt xxx

Friday, February 11, 2005

The Glory Of Young Love

Love is many splendored thing, as the saying goes. But to find it between straight couples is to succumb to something noxious and repulsive.

Or so the "unreality media" would appear to sneer at us.

Recently a young couple in the throes of romance have featured heavily in magazines, newspapers and television shows.

Tennis great Lleyton Hewitt and blossoming, nubile young actress Bec Cartwright became engaged following Hewitt's brave performance for his country in one of the most cherished and watched sporting events this country has even seen, the Australian Open.

You would think that the mainstream media would be quick to congratulate the pair, and embrace them as the nation's golden couple.

You'd be wrong.

You see, the couple are old fashioned heterosexuals - which is enough to condemn them in the eyes of the pooh-poohing pencil pushers that infest Australia's news and current affairs world.

Rolling their eyes and gnashing their teeth, the chic Leftist 'journalists' howl

"We're bored of them! They're over-exposed! Hurry, we must mock and humiliate them through our boorish and scorning articles!"

You see, in the eyes of the pinko glitterati, marriage between a man and a woman is an institution that begs to be degraded and insulted.

This from the faddish 'cultured class' who continually try and foist offensive and just plain foolish notions like legalised gay marriage on the public through the media!

God forbid that Hewitt and Cartwright live a normal, heterosexual life together as husband and wife. And heaven help us if they have legitimate children during their marriage!

Yes, these trendy far-outers would love to tell us marriage - traditional marriage, anyway - is on the way out.

But Lleyton Hewitt and Bec Cartwright have proven them wrong.

Andy Bolt xxx

Thursday, February 10, 2005

The Noblest Sacrifice

The embroilment kicked off by the discovery of schizophrenic Australian woman Cornelia Rau in the Baxter detention centre continues to keep the Leftist media salivating eagerly.

They have been waiting for months - ever since the Australian people disproved popular "chic" opinion that the public loathed the Howard Government by voting them into power again - to launch their ferocious hounds of fury on our leaders.

What a pity for them that once again, they've gotten it wrong.

Certainly, no one is advocating the incarceration of genuine Australians with mental illness. It is utterly inhumane to lock up someone with psychological difficulties if they are an Australian citizen.

But sometimes, mistakes are made which hurt an innocent, but benefit the greater good of the nation. It is about time the "unreality media" took this into account.

Yes, we can feel pity for Cornelia Rau. But what good would an "I'm sorry" do?

And for goodness sake, why should the Government apologise?

Over the past nine years of Howard Government leadership, not one plane has flown into an office building in an Australian city. Not one international leader has been assassinated on our soil. Not one would-be revolutionary group has managed to storm a ferry or tram, holding the occupants hostage in order to gain food, money, power and weapons of mass destruction.

Can we thank Keating for this? Hawke? Whitlam? Of course not.

We can thank the almighty strength and resolve of people like John Howard, Amanda Vanstone, Phillip Ruddock and yes, George W. Bush.

Cornelia Rau's case is unfortunate, but it does prove something - that our Government is as vigilant as ever, and we as a nation are as safe as we can ever hope to be.

Hopefully Ms Rau's family will see her time in Baxter detention centre for what it is - a noble sacrifice in the name of freedom and democracy for this truly great Conservative nation.

Andy Bolt xxx

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

A Ransacked Soul

So Mamdouh Habib's had his house "ransacked".

No doubt the elitist intelligensia will be frothing at the mouth in anger about this.

But where was Habib while this happened? "Staying with friends?"

How convenient.

We've heard that song before, Habib. It's been sung by the likes of Mark David Chapman, Charles Manson, and Lee Harvey Oswald.

All people who hated freedom.

All people who hated America.

All people who hated democracy and decency.

And most of all, all people who have been caught out in the end by the devoted conservative few who refused to snack on the Jatz biscuits of lies served up by the sagging-bellied unionists dressed as waiters who try to poison us during the cocktail dinner of life.

Oh, I believe that he was with friends all right.

Friends like Osama Bin Laden.

Friends like Ayatollah Seyed Ali Khamenei.

Friends like David Hicks.

Until he can appreciate just how blessed he is to have been ransacked in a free country such as ours, then perhaps he should return to the relative holiday camp of Guantanemo Bay to reflect on those who lost their lives on September 11.

Because it's obvious to all and sundry that Mamdouh Habib has no intention of living a quiet life here. He'll whore his 'tale of woe' to every radicalist media outlet in the country, and allow his lies to be gobbled up by hungry, gullible, beatnik consumers - for a price.

But ask yourself this - where will his money go?

A house in Palm Beach? Possibly.

A plane ticket? More likely.

Andy Bolt xxx

Monday, February 07, 2005

A Long Awaited Return

I suppose you've all been wondering where I've been.

Not many people know this, but at the end of every year a few friends and I like to go on a private holiday. It allows us time to reflect on the year that just passed, and what the future contains for sensible, forward-thinking conservatives like ourselves.

Piers, Miranda, Paddy and I had a great time down the coast. In fact, we had so good a time that we ended up staying there over a month! Because I hold such sway at the Herald Sun, I didn't need to pretend to write new columns over the holidays, but the rest of the gang (except Piers, of course - but Peter Reith normally writes his pieces anyway) work for a certain despicable, rabble-rousing excuse for a newspaper and so they were forced to continue work. Luckily we conservative columnists are clever enough to keep some columns in reserve which basically regurgitate our general insightful and awe-inspiring views on life which work well regardless of the date of publication or actual world events occurring at the time.

But after an enjoyable holiday with my favourite pals, it's time to get back to the most important job in the world.

Defending democracy.

Putting the 'peace' makers in their place.

Showing the public just how strong a stranglehold the freakish Leftists have on this nations morals.

And most of all, why reality show results disprove all the hippy notions vomited up by filth-ridden academics.

Thanks for being such loyal fans of my wonderful writing.

I used to feel terribly alone in this world, like a timorous, traditionalistic duck flying South for the winter across a windswept world of confusion towards a glistening land of hope and sunshine while the other foolish, pipe dreaming, left-leaning ducks led the flock North towards a world of winter, a world where Communist ideals are favoured by the intellectually inferior maverick ducks.

As I mentioned in my Christmas Eve column though, I've been proven right time and time again over the last year. I thank you all for joining me again on my blog and I'm sure the intelligent debate will be stimulating for all involved.

Andy Bolt xxx

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Nature's Cry For Help

The Greens and their slimy peacenik cohorts are constantly telling us of the importance of preserving Tasmania's old growth forests. They know more about the environment than us, right?


Yet another natural disaster has struck Tasmania, and although the "chic radicals" would try and tell us otherwise, even a blind man can see the link between the preservation of old growth forests and the recent mass stranding of pilot whales.

Unreality media has tried valiantly to cover up the truth, claiming "wind" and "confusion" resulted in the whales beaching themselves.

But then, maintaining the fiction has always been the way of the Israel-bashers.

Bob Brown and spend-crazy moralist friends complained bitterly when the Prime Minister wisely chose to defend forestry workers jobs during the election campaign. But Howard's plan might just be the best result for everyone - the whales of Bass Strait included. The sooner old growth forests are nobly sacrificed, the better.

Not only can the timber be used to create houses and thus remedy the problem of homelessness, but innocent whales will no longer be lured towards the shore by the intoxicating but ultimately dangerously tempting oxygen produced by Labor's beloved branches.

Until then, those of us who truly care about the environment will be forced to sit back and watch as the intellectual activists strive to change the heart-warming sound of whale song into a hymn of hate and needless destruction.

Andy Bolt xxx