Thoughts From My Anus (with Andrew Bolt)

Australians Speak Out About Gay Marriage

2005-02-13T03:08:00.000+11:00

I briefly touched on the issue of gay marriage on Thursday.

However, the flood of supportive emails I received regarding my moving and articulate thoughts on the subject has inspired me to revisit the topic again.

Once again, just when I feel like the only Horatio-on-the-bridge-esque salmon bothering to swim upstream to die, it turns out I am a trout, surrounded and buoyed by the kindness and like-minded thinking of literally millions of other trout swimming with honour and common-sense to a lake of knowledge and contentment.

That's right, the Australian public have rallied behind my words completely.

While the nonconformist Bolshevist cliques insist on boring us with claptrap on how being 'gay' is 'fashionable' and how 'equal rights' should apply to homosexuals and lesbians, Australians have responded in possibly the most powerful way they can - through their remote controls.

The Australian Queer Eye For The Straight Guy television show debuted during the week, and Australians couldn't have been less interested.

Perhaps the New York nihilists can pretend that their US version of the show makes a sexual subculture 'normal', but over here, the public are far too intelligent to fall for the lie.

After all, where will this acceptance stop? Will we end up riding the toboggan of tolerance down the slippery and chilly slope of life all the way into the abyss of despair and immorality?

Frighteningly, it can only be a matter of years before we're forced to 'tolerate' other sexual deviancies. Bestiality and paedophilia spring to mind as just two horrific and repulsive sexual subcultures the 'chic' right-on reformers will try and advocate.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no homophobe.

Whatever preternatural activities the rabid Leftists want to indulge in behind close doors is tolerable to me, providing everyone involved is a consenting and mentally competent adult.

But why must those of us of there who are from a simpler, kinder world - the meat-and-potatoes folk of the nation - have the Calamite agenda plunged deep down our throats every where we turn?

Let's save the debate and just see Queer Eye's failure for what it is - the publics way of expressing its views on gay marriage and the Communist parti pris.

Just watch the intelligentsia choke on their socialist chai tea at that.

Abortion - The Debate We Had To Have

2005-02-12T04:47:00.000+11:00

Finally, Australia is currently in the throes of something that has been long overdue - a debate about abortion.

Naturally, the Leninist feminists are up in arms.

You see, according to them, there's only one person affected by nature's gift of pregnancy - themselves, of course.

When a woman decides she wants to have a baby, she can bleed a man dry by demanding eighteen years worth of child support payments, often while she gets single mother benefits or the dole at the same time!

And if she should decide she doesn't want to have his child, well tough - that's just the way it is. Her choice, her body, her child.

The bra burning harpies have no desire to let men fulfil their most natural and primal role - as protectors of innocents.

Too bad for the deadly Reds then that this country - thanks to the tireless work of some of our finest politicians, including Liberal MP Tony Abbott - is starting to speak out about the abomination that is abortion.

Soon enough, the 'elite' fleet will need to deal with the entire country's concern and shock over the abortion epidemic.

And then we as a nation will begin make amends to the real stolen generation - the millions of aborted babies that would have made this country a little brighter.

Andy Bolt xxx

The Glory Of Young Love

2005-02-11T10:07:00.000+11:00

Love is many splendored thing, as the saying goes. But to find it between straight couples is to succumb to something noxious and repulsive.

Or so the "unreality media" would appear to sneer at us.

Recently a young couple in the throes of romance have featured heavily in magazines, newspapers and television shows.

Tennis great Lleyton Hewitt and blossoming, nubile young actress Bec Cartwright became engaged following Hewitt's brave performance for his country in one of the most cherished and watched sporting events this country has even seen, the Australian Open.

You would think that the mainstream media would be quick to congratulate the pair, and embrace them as the nation's golden couple.

You'd be wrong.

You see, the couple are old fashioned heterosexuals - which is enough to condemn them in the eyes of the pooh-poohing pencil pushers that infest Australia's news and current affairs world.

Rolling their eyes and gnashing their teeth, the chic Leftist 'journalists' howl

"We're bored of them! They're over-exposed! Hurry, we must mock and humiliate them through our boorish and scorning articles!"

You see, in the eyes of the pinko glitterati, marriage between a man and a woman is an institution that begs to be degraded and insulted.

This from the faddish 'cultured class' who continually try and foist offensive and just plain foolish notions like legalised gay marriage on the public through the media!

God forbid that Hewitt and Cartwright live a normal, heterosexual life together as husband and wife. And heaven help us if they have legitimate children during their marriage!

Yes, these trendy far-outers would love to tell us marriage - traditional marriage, anyway - is on the way out.

But Lleyton Hewitt and Bec Cartwright have proven them wrong.

Andy Bolt xxx

The Noblest Sacrifice

2005-02-10T06:00:00.000+11:00

The embroilment kicked off by the discovery of schizophrenic Australian woman Cornelia Rau in the Baxter detention centre continues to keep the Leftist media salivating eagerly.

They have been waiting for months - ever since the Australian people disproved popular "chic" opinion that the public loathed the Howard Government by voting them into power again - to launch their ferocious hounds of fury on our leaders.

What a pity for them that once again, they've gotten it wrong.

Certainly, no one is advocating the incarceration of genuine Australians with mental illness. It is utterly inhumane to lock up someone with psychological difficulties if they are an Australian citizen.

But sometimes, mistakes are made which hurt an innocent, but benefit the greater good of the nation. It is about time the "unreality media" took this into account.

Yes, we can feel pity for Cornelia Rau. But what good would an "I'm sorry" do?

And for goodness sake, why should the Government apologise?

Over the past nine years of Howard Government leadership, not one plane has flown into an office building in an Australian city. Not one international leader has been assassinated on our soil. Not one would-be revolutionary group has managed to storm a ferry or tram, holding the occupants hostage in order to gain food, money, power and weapons of mass destruction.

Can we thank Keating for this? Hawke? Whitlam? Of course not.

We can thank the almighty strength and resolve of people like John Howard, Amanda Vanstone, Phillip Ruddock and yes, George W. Bush.

Cornelia Rau's case is unfortunate, but it does prove something - that our Government is as vigilant as ever, and we as a nation are as safe as we can ever hope to be.

Hopefully Ms Rau's family will see her time in Baxter detention centre for what it is - a noble sacrifice in the name of freedom and democracy for this truly great Conservative nation.

Andy Bolt xxx

A Ransacked Soul

2005-02-09T10:38:00.000+11:00

So Mamdouh Habib's had his house "ransacked".

No doubt the elitist intelligensia will be frothing at the mouth in anger about this.

But where was Habib while this happened? "Staying with friends?"

How convenient.

We've heard that song before, Habib. It's been sung by the likes of Mark David Chapman, Charles Manson, and Lee Harvey Oswald.

All people who hated freedom.

All people who hated America.

All people who hated democracy and decency.

And most of all, all people who have been caught out in the end by the devoted conservative few who refused to snack on the Jatz biscuits of lies served up by the sagging-bellied unionists dressed as waiters who try to poison us during the cocktail dinner of life.

Oh, I believe that he was with friends all right.

Friends like Osama Bin Laden.

Friends like Ayatollah Seyed Ali Khamenei.

Friends like David Hicks.

Until he can appreciate just how blessed he is to have been ransacked in a free country such as ours, then perhaps he should return to the relative holiday camp of Guantanemo Bay to reflect on those who lost their lives on September 11.

Because it's obvious to all and sundry that Mamdouh Habib has no intention of living a quiet life here. He'll whore his 'tale of woe' to every radicalist media outlet in the country, and allow his lies to be gobbled up by hungry, gullible, beatnik consumers - for a price.

But ask yourself this - where will his money go?

A house in Palm Beach? Possibly.

A plane ticket? More likely.

Andy Bolt xxx

A Long Awaited Return

2005-02-07T10:19:00.000+11:00

I suppose you've all been wondering where I've been.

Not many people know this, but at the end of every year a few friends and I like to go on a private holiday. It allows us time to reflect on the year that just passed, and what the future contains for sensible, forward-thinking conservatives like ourselves.

Piers, Miranda, Paddy and I had a great time down the coast. In fact, we had so good a time that we ended up staying there over a month! Because I hold such sway at the Herald Sun, I didn't need to pretend to write new columns over the holidays, but the rest of the gang (except Piers, of course - but Peter Reith normally writes his pieces anyway) work for a certain despicable, rabble-rousing excuse for a newspaper and so they were forced to continue work. Luckily we conservative columnists are clever enough to keep some columns in reserve which basically regurgitate our general insightful and awe-inspiring views on life which work well regardless of the date of publication or actual world events occurring at the time.

But after an enjoyable holiday with my favourite pals, it's time to get back to the most important job in the world.

Defending democracy.

Putting the 'peace' makers in their place.

Showing the public just how strong a stranglehold the freakish Leftists have on this nations morals.

And most of all, why reality show results disprove all the hippy notions vomited up by filth-ridden academics.

Thanks for being such loyal fans of my wonderful writing.

I used to feel terribly alone in this world, like a timorous, traditionalistic duck flying South for the winter across a windswept world of confusion towards a glistening land of hope and sunshine while the other foolish, pipe dreaming, left-leaning ducks led the flock North towards a world of winter, a world where Communist ideals are favoured by the intellectually inferior maverick ducks.

As I mentioned in my Christmas Eve column though, I've been proven right time and time again over the last year. I thank you all for joining me again on my blog and I'm sure the intelligent debate will be stimulating for all involved.

Andy Bolt xxx

Nature's Cry For Help

2004-12-01T04:39:00.000+11:00

The Greens and their slimy peacenik cohorts are constantly telling us of the importance of preserving Tasmania's old growth forests. They know more about the environment than us, right?

Wrong.

Yet another natural disaster has struck Tasmania, and although the "chic radicals" would try and tell us otherwise, even a blind man can see the link between the preservation of old growth forests and the recent mass stranding of pilot whales.

Unreality media has tried valiantly to cover up the truth, claiming "wind" and "confusion" resulted in the whales beaching themselves.

But then, maintaining the fiction has always been the way of the Israel-bashers.

Bob Brown and spend-crazy moralist friends complained bitterly when the Prime Minister wisely chose to defend forestry workers jobs during the election campaign. But Howard's plan might just be the best result for everyone - the whales of Bass Strait included. The sooner old growth forests are nobly sacrificed, the better.

Not only can the timber be used to create houses and thus remedy the problem of homelessness, but innocent whales will no longer be lured towards the shore by the intoxicating but ultimately dangerously tempting oxygen produced by Labor's beloved branches.

Until then, those of us who truly care about the environment will be forced to sit back and watch as the intellectual activists strive to change the heart-warming sound of whale song into a hymn of hate and needless destruction.

Andy Bolt xxx

Which CD Single Would Osama Bin Laden Buy?

2004-11-30T08:10:00.000+11:00

In a time where hey-dude groovers and barbaric activist-canoodling swamp monsters pollute most avenues of "unreality media", there are very few places a decent Australian can get respite. In the past, when the clangs and bangs of the brown shirt's saucepans of hate became too much for my patriotic ears, I would turn to the radio and let music soothe my weary soul. How frightening then that even radio has been taken over by the warblings of the discontented anti-Government troublemakers.

This morning, Joel Turner & The Modern Day Poets hit the top spot in the ARIA Charts. Their single, the oddly named "These Kids" (whose kids, Joel - the cat's mother's?), has become a favourite of the whiney Communist sympathising "chic elite". I find it incredibly odd that a young white man and his fellow white friends have so willingly adopted a style of music more prevalent in black American neighbourhoods. Identity crisis, anyone? Are the Marxists really "too good" for traditional European styles of music? Rotund with bile-filled hate, the song "These Kids" bubbles over with angry sentiment towards average Aussies. It is also potent with drug-related bravado.

"Drugs might not be the answer, but who knows wrong from right....
... puts the hose in the coke bottle..."

What are our children - the target audience for the ex-Australian Idol contestant's demented ramblings - meant to learn from those lyrics? That drugs "might not" be the answer, but hell - try it anyway? How are we, as adults, meant to explain to the nation's children why this group of young men have chosen to give step by step directions on how to consume marijuana through the "intellectual" favoured "bong" method?

"About how life is for strugglers
Minority groups, kids with single mothers
Young homies turn hustlers, stealing for money"

Hold on - let me get this straight. Suddenly we're meant to feel sorry and apologetic for young women who use their sexuality as a tool and as a result become burdened with unwanted children? Suddenly we're meant to embrace potential terrorists and rapists simply because they're from a "minority group"? Never mind that our "homies" (street slang for homosexual pickpockets) are thieving money from the middle class average Australians to give to the depraved, like a posse of horrendous, drug-addled urban Robin Hoods - after all, they're "strugglers"!

So we as a nation just class 'em as a waste of space
And if they don't help the economy then strip 'em naked
Put 'em on the streets 'n make sure the police hate 'em
And feed the public phony information on the evening news

Once again, the group - no doubt prodded and manipulated by the leftist hipsters who brim with hatred towards normal, loving Australian families - attack every day Australians. Yes, let's blame the tax payers for the problem of youth homelessness. Let's spread lies about hateful and violent police, after all - there's no need to actually provide the public with facts to back up your outlandish claims! And look, once again the moonbats are inventing conspiracy theories! Not only are the honest, hardworking public evil, not only are the corrupt police evil, but our television networks are spreading "conservative propaganda" through the evening news! Who knew that this country was in so much trouble?

I suggest Joel Turner and his group of filthy layabouts celebrate their success while they can. Because the hard truth about being a new radical is that you get what you give. No doubt somewhere in the Middle East, Osama Bin Laden is eagerly watching with glee as the foolish Left and their pint-sized pop group advertise the alleged weaknesses of this country. With music like this selling bucketloads, Bin Laden can only be counting his blessings and planning his next attack.

Andy Bolt xxx

Youth - The First Victims Of Moral Decay

2004-11-28T12:20:00.000+11:00

How sad I was to hear this weekend that what should be a time of celebration for young Victorian school leavers has turned into a mess of violence and despair. I only wish I could say I was surprised.

In these tumultous times when cowardice and burying your head in the sand is considered "chic" in the minds of brainwashed radicals, is it any surprise that our youth are turning on each other? How can they learn to relate to other people and create paths of peace when the Leftists of Australia insist on teaching our young people that the best way to resolve confict is to ignore it until it explodes?

The Hawke\Keating years caused such massive damage to the psyche of this great country, one might start to believe that the damage done is simply too great to be reversed. To you, faithful reader, I say "Do not lose heart!"

As we enter a glorious new era of Australian politics, remember that the public's faith in John Howard and the conservative Coalition proves beyond doubt that the people of this country have had enough of violence, greed and stupidity. No more following the wannabe Islamic liberals of this nation into the proverbial vegetarian cafe of angst, and being peer-pressured to order soy lattes of hate. By putting our faith in a courageous Government and our beloved American allies, we are standing together and saying "No!" to conflict.

I only wish the youths involved in "Schoolies" fracas hadn't been so obviously influenced by placard waving would-be Neville Chamberlains, whose cries of "appease evil or be damned" have resulted in our teenagers carrying around heavy souls cursed with the pain of divisive and plain idiotic politics.

Andy Bolt xxx

Your Taxes = Their Politics

2004-11-27T08:29:00.000+11:00

I'm sure you don't need me to point out my latest column online.

I'm not one to blow my own trumpet, but it is a particularly wonderful piece, don't you think? And it raises some valid points about our taxes being used for political causes I disagree with. I ask you, is it the Eureka 150 Democracy Conference, or the Marxist Anti-Australia Hippy General Meeting?

Why on earth have the skinny-cap-decaf drinking North Koreans that constitute Australia's "intellectual elite" not invited any speakers from Iraq or Afghanistan to their mutual backslapping night? What would the ANZACS think if they were alive to see just how morally bankrupt our universities have become?

Nearly everyone I know was moved to tears by Mel Gibson's performance in Gallipoli. But do the Left care about the blood spilt by our soldiers in times of war? Not on your life. Instead, they'd rather have smug conversations about how stupid the Australian public are with Gough Whitlam. National Living Treasure, they say? I say "That can be remedied!"

Worse than all of this - why have no conservative, sensible, genuinely patriotic journalists been invited to talk at this Viet Cong-ference? I'll tell you why - because Ballarat University hates me, Janet and every other decent human being in this country who can so proudly stand up and say "I believe in democracy! I believe in a Free Iraq! I believe that other peoples son's and daughter's should go to war and fight for my beliefs!"

If we're not careful, these slippery university types will push us into the fire of cowardice and pseudo-intellectual aristocracy, and before we know it our uniquely Australian sense of morality will be nothing more than ashes.

Andy Bolt xxx

Leftist Mistakes

2004-11-26T10:27:00.000+11:00

The elitist intellectuals of this country would have you think that this country is run by a pack of humorless racist scumbags. But I was watching Kath & Kim last night - which, incidentally, is one of the highest rating shows on television - and not only did they mention Alexander Downer, but also Peter Costello and Tony Abbott.

As many of you are aware, Kath & Kim is written and performed by Gina Riley and Jane Turner - two gifted, funny and thoroughly modern women. If, as those ignorant left-leaning university educated snobs keep insisting, the women of Australia object to Tony Abbott's thoughts on abortion, is it really feasible that these two award winning writers would dedicate over forty seconds of dialogue to someone like Tony Abbott, whose views on abortion apparently "offend" women? I think not.

Kylie Minogue began her career on Neighbours back in 1986. After a few years on the soap, she became a pop singer and almost instantly became an international success. Why? Because the Australian people - the supposedly "racist", "ignorant" and "homophobic" public (if you believe the elitist intelligentsia) - have thrown their support behind her. But wait - don't homosexuals like her? Don't Asians like her? If Australians really are as horrible as the brown shirt wearing facists would tell us we are, why would we continually buy her albums when it's well known that gays AND Asians enjoy her music?

Once again, the bigoted, arrogant left have proven without a doubt that not only have they got their facts completely wrong, but they're pushing us into the abyss of despair rapidly.

Andy Bolt xxx

Welcome, Friends

2004-11-24T09:50:00.000+11:00

My name is Andrew Ignatius Horatio Bolt -
and this is my blog.

As you can tell, I spend - quite literally - tens of minutes thoughtfully creating my columns for the Herald Sun. It's time consuming work, to be sure. But as a patriotic Australian, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Often I don't get a chance to fully explore my various column ideas. Othertimes, I'm just not allowed to write what I really think. And I think a lot of things.

So friends, I hope you'll join me as I occasionally release

Thoughts From My Anus.